April 30, 2005

Saturday night frights

It strikes me as becoming pathetic when my Saturday nights are geared towards 11:00pm and the local access channel.
They show a public domain horror (read: slasher) film that are consistently grade 'D' with horrible dialogue, bad acting, uninspiring locations and, in general, really fake blood. The only thing it has going for it, really, is that it is uncut (which they can do, I expect, due to its being on the local cable access channel).
But it has become a ritual for me to watch; waiting expectantly for what it might be.
And it is never even the classics such as 'The Blob' or 'The Swamp Thing'. It is always some flick that spent a maximum of 4 hours released to theatres before it was pulled by the producers who were embarrassed and were afraid of their reputations being impugned (thus making it harder to make millions down the road).
So why do I wait to watch this twaddle?
I'm not sure, but it is becoming more and more apparent to me that I need to get out more. Or at least turn my mind to more pursuits of stimuli rather than delve to the depths of inanity.

Speaking of which, though, I did try that tonight. I was revamping the donges website since it has needed a facelift for a long time. I ran into some problems with my server host. So, even though it looks good (or at least better than it did) locally, I have yet to determine if it functions at all publicly.

See, now....that's why I wait for the Saturday Night Frights. At least it is something consistently bad that I can count on week after week after week. Oooo...see ya later. I have just enough time to fill the wineglass and pop the popcorn before it starts. Turn down the lights back there! I am about to be in the midst of mediocrity...

April 29, 2005

I give up

8 down. 1 pizza. 1/2 a pack. Didn't touch the peanuts.
And I'm going to bed.
Yet one more internal notice that I am older.
But, then, drinking alone isn't all that it is cracked up to be.
Night all....I retire bowed yet not bloodied.

I am on a mission

The plan tonight is to attempt to drink a 12 pack of Leinenkugel's before midnight.
And to smoke an entire pack of Dunhill menthols.
And to eat a 24oz. bag of Virginia peanuts.
Why, you may ask?
I dunno. It just seems like the thing to do at this point. I saw the psychiatrist today to confirm my medication needs and all seems good. I have a shitload of stuff to do tomorrow including going into work early.
But tonight? Nothing at all going on except reading and relaxing (and drinking and smoking).
The laundry will wait until the morn as will cleaning the abode...
An escape is what it is...no thoughts are able to crawl up through the tendrils of intoxication that would bother me overmuch.
And maybe...just maybe....I can draw on enough cognition after 5 or 6 to write a tune or two. Not that I will be able to read the scrawled lyrical notations when I finally emerge from my stupor.
Wish me luck.
Hopefully, I won't keep up a running monologue at various inebriated points throughout the night. If I do....I apologize now.

April 27, 2005

I am so smart...

As predicted below, I am still wide awake several hours later.
Several glasses of Tamas Barbera (stolen at a close out price for the last bottle!) along with 50mg of Trazodone hasn't helped.
The bathroom really needs cleaning, so I should take this opportunity to do that.
But I guess I'll be surfing porn all night...


Sometimes my own innate stupidity far outshadows anything the world can throw at me. A cup of coffee sounded great earlier this evening, so I made some. But since making just one mugfull seemed silly, I brewed half a pot and proceeded to consume it for the next couple of hours. Now, I am jittery and very awake (no surprise there!) and resigned to not sleeping for the nearly-upon-me nocturnal space of time.
Sometimes I procrastinate (some of you are shouting "No way!", I know). To the point that when I finally get around to doing something, it takes thrice the time it would have ordinarily taken. I offer balancing the checkbook as a prime example. Checks themselves wouldn't be so bad....it is the little receipts from the ATM machines and the checkcard purchases that create the problem. Do I have all of them? Can I even read the faded barely-legible-when-printed gas station pay at the pump slips of thermal paper? So, then, have to go online to check balances and each transaction to make sure that it is properly notated. I also spent over an hour shredding documents which, if I would have done it as I went through each day, wouldn't have taken any time at all. And then, with a cheap shredder, if you try to rush it, it gets jammed along the edges so there is time wasted digging out globs of curled up paper shreds that seem to have developed a patina of glue as soon as they hit the blades.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't such an idiot.

April 26, 2005

What office moron are you????

We all laugh at them. The other fucking morons where we work.
Now there is a way to tell what kind of office moron YOU are. Just take the test here.

This, strangely enough, worked perfectly for me. The type of office moron I am is:
I'll smoke you a kipper, because you'll be back for breakfast. You're the cult television show quoting, user account deleting, soap loathing IT Manager.
Something in your childhood has made you the way you are. You've been hired to provide a service to everyone else in the office - you make the computers run, and you make them run well. You've streamlined everything; you've removed all the viruses and installed all the firewalls. The only trouble - the only hole in your veneer of digital perfection - is the way you laugh at everyone.
If someone doesn't know UNIX, you laugh at them. If they lose their password, they laugh at them. If they visit a website using Microsoft Internet Explorer and their computer succumbs to an Internet worm, you laugh. Then you take a swig of your Coke, and with another hearty chuckle tell all your friends on IRC about the idiots you have to deal with.
Maybe it makes you feel better about yourself, although let's face it, you don't need help in that department. You're great, you. Fantastic like burning cool. If only those luddite office fools would let you play Unreal Tournament in peace.

I'm the IT manager. Do you fancy me?
Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.

April 25, 2005

Some things, randomized...

I have discovered, while delving into the blogpool, that there are a lot of abandoned blog sites. Makes me wonder why. Where did the originators go? Did they move on? Die? Forget their password? Not that this keeps me up at night, but I thought it was an interesting contemplative exercise.
~ ~ ~
Recent favorite blog here. Very short, informative and to the point.
~ ~ ~
Just this morning it was discovered that I have lost 10 pounds sometime in the last month (I obviously don't check my weight very often). Came about by my putting on a pair of khaki casual trousers which promptly fell to my knees. Not that I am in shape by any stretch of the imagination, but something has changed. Strange, cause the jeans still seem to fit fine. I guess I have to start drinking more and get them calories up.

April 23, 2005

Thoughts outside freezing tonight...

Oh, how I love the full moon. It's majesty and beauty dominating the night sky. The light, although brilliant, still somewhat somber encased as it is in the blackness of the heavens. With only Venus to the west of it to accompany.
Oh, how I hate the full moon. The thoghts that flit unconclusively through my mind with no resolution, reminding me of the many times I have contemplated the position in the night sky...and my own postion in the world. No Venus am I, but I always seem to occupy a space somewhat to the west of the lunascape. At least in my own mind.
Oh, how I hate people who start their paragraphs with 'Oh'. Must be some sort of stupid poetic thingie or something....

the idiot test for professionals....

Speaks for itself.

Check this out!

Click here.
This program will correctly guess the dictator OR sitcom character you think about.
Guessed correctly on me all seven times....and I was obscure about it, too!
Great way to waste a Saturday night, actually....

April 22, 2005

Steve, don't eat it!

I have not laughed out loud at a web site in a very long time.
I have not wasted time at work laughing out loud for 10 minutes reading a web site in...well...ever.
Go here.
Read this.

April 21, 2005

Uplifting Wall Posters for the cynical among us....

You know those trite wall hangings that extol virtuous ideas such as 'Quality', 'Creativity', 'Honesty' and the like? You know, the ones that you read and wonder how anyone can actually hang on the office of their cubicle without feeling like a complete ass? The ones that are accompanied by scenic vistas and cute cuddly critters?
Well, now there are better ones.
Read words of wisdom set to beautific landscapes.
Words such as:
"Doubt. In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world."
"Laziness. Success is a journey not a destination. So stop running."
"Meetings. None of us is as dumb as all of us."
And many many more.
Check 'em out here!

Technical Jargon Gone Wild!

"BOSTON, Massachusetts (AP) -- Three MIT graduate students set out to show what kind of gobbledygook can pass muster at an academic conference these days, writing a computer program that generates fake, nonsensical papers. And sure enough, a Florida conference took the bait."

Unbelievable. And yet, believable.
Has our language been distorted so horrendously that learned scholars are unable to decipher cryptic gibberish from cryptic plausibility?

For full story, click here.

April 20, 2005

Set your calendars

It is World Jump Day.
Designed to modify Earth's orbit, the populace of the world should jump on July 20, 2006 at 11:39:13 GMT.
For folk like me, in the midwest of the US, that is 5:39:13 - yep, 5:39 in the morning!
All you need is a concrete surface, a decent chronometer (plus the alarm clock to get your ass out of bed) and the motivation to jump.
Talk about a way to bring the disparate peoples of the globe together at last.
Together we can.....

For details, check here.

Life after the oil crash...

Some reading that may freak you out completely.
Just click on the link associated with the title of this entry, or click here.

If you have kept up with current events at all, you know that we are dangerously close to peak oil production and can expect some drastic changes in our society because of it. This web site documents all the further implications inherent with the decline of petroleum.
While he may be a doomsooth, it is difficult to not read through the information presented and not be sobered (or panicked!) by his perception of the challenges facing us in our all too near future.

DoomSooth...now there's a band name!

April 19, 2005

I might be a blackheart...how 'bout you?

Interesting read on a different outlook on love. A lot I agree with....a lot, also, that I disagree with. Unfortunately, some that I want to disparage, but cannot 'cause I don't believe it and I'm an incurable romantic at heart.
But, different in it's take on life and love....

are you a wage slave?

If so, there may be hope for you:
Check out
Great site, full of information on how You can beat "The Man" at his own game.
I plan on a full inspection of the site, myself....
In the words of Larry Roth:
"The debt and work cycle is an ingenious tool of subjugation. Make people think they need all these things, then they must have a job, and they give up control of their lives. It's as simple as that. We live in one of the most free countries in the world, but we fix it so we are not free at all. "

April 18, 2005

back online again...

www.guydonges.com is back once again! Server problems have been resolved and we are back.
Now, if I could just write some new songs to put up there, things would really be good...

April 17, 2005

Wasted day redux

Another Sunday with nothing accomplished.
Not that I didn't have the time or the concern...I just didn't have the motivation.
Although I did a couple loads of laundry and also cleared out part of the garage for the perpetual automobile maintanence that is going to be a part of my life for the forseeable future, I spent the majority of the day sitting and reading.
Actually, not a bad way to spend a nice day....sitting on the deck, sipping on a malt and barley beverage and (to all outward appearances) vegetating.
I might be on to something...I feel relaxed, calm, placid and ready to start the week.
Now, if only I can kick the energy levels up a notch or two come tomorrow morning....

April 16, 2005

I am a bowling god!

Had the 29th anniversary party for Isthmus tonight. Held at the Village Lanes bowling center, which, handily enough, is right by where I live. Took the kids along and we had a great time (I know what you are thinking, but it is possible to have a great time bowling).
Incredibly, I won individual high score with a 201. I have never bowled like that before which was evidenced by the substantially lower score the second game. Our team (the kids, myself and one of the staff writers at Isthmus) won high team score as well. Got some nice gift certificates out of the deal.
Pretty cool.

April 15, 2005

I laughed...I cried...I thought it was fucking stupid!


Horrible cartoons that are inspired by actual Spam Subject Lines.
Hilarious, especially about 10 minutes later.


It's the little things in life that make it worthwhile.
I finally got my taxes done last night and, as expected, I owe thousands.
However, I owe less than half of what I had been anticipating.
Strangely enough, even though I am still between the proverbial hard place and... um... er.... another hard place (?!) I feel much better.
Maybe it was the final accomplishment of getting the damn things done but I think it is the old feeling that 'things are never as bad as they seem'. Kinda like expecting to have your arm cut off in the alfalfa thresher and then only ending up losing both of your opposable thumbs instead.

April 13, 2005

How pathetic...

to be reduced to posting old Beatle's lyrics for yesterday's post. I apologize.

I mean, if I can't come up with an original idea or two a day, I might as well just give up.
But that would be redundant...the giving up thingie, I mean. Done that already and, even though I don't like it now and wouldn't go back, at the time it was a pretty acceptable way to live. At that point in my life you coulda come up to me and whacked me alongside my head with an omelette pan and I would have bobbed and weaved my way back upright like a blow-up punching bag.
Most likely with a dopey smile on my face.
Not now, though. If you were to do the same thing to me now, I would crash to the floor taking as much breakable stuff down with me and, even if I was still conscious, I would not get back up. But you can bet I would have an attorney on your ass pretty quick for walloping me in the first place.
Since I can't win the lottery yet need large amounts of cash, that would be one way to help the coffers.
In fact, I might just start selling tickets to do just that. Now if I could just find that omelette pan...

April 12, 2005

Taxman cometh

Coming up quick...truer words never put into a song.
Except for the 5% reference....
we have advanced a long way from the time Revolver came out:

Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Should five per cent appear too small
Be thankful I don't take it all
Cause I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet.

Don't ask me what I want it for
If you don't want to pay some more
Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman

Now my advice for those who die
Declare the pennies on your eyes
Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman
And you're working for no one but me.

p.s. - anybody know a good tax attorney?


'Just Me' is gone. Removed. Deleted. Toast.
How, now, do I start my mornings?
Not that I dislike change, or anything.......

bon voyage, scee elle!

Very weird

But, if you feel like causing someone pain, just pull this guy's nose hair.
Makes me cringe.

April 11, 2005

Walk in the dark....

...with vodka.
Doesn't work very well.
After a couple of UV's on the rocks, I thought it would be a good idea to take a walk...clear my head...figure out the future...fight the despondency...sweep up the cobwebs...tear loose from the doldrums...decide on a course of action....well, you get the idea.
Problem is, after a couple of vodkas, walks tend to get a bit downgraded. The wind was whipping up my hair, slapping it into my face with annoying regularity like sapling branches. The streetlights in these parts are sparse, so there were only occasional pools of dim light like gas lanterns in a Jack The Ripper biographical 1940's vintage B&W flick. I found myself wandering aimlessly (let's not even go into the metaphor about my own life that phrase brings to mind) and decided I should just wander on home.
Took me a while to get my bearings, but I finally made it. Thought about just laying on the roof of the car in the driveway, but figured that would only hurt it's starting abilities in the morning so I declined the self-invitation.
Sure...and they say that a brisk walk does good for both mental and physical health.
I suppose they never took vodka into account.....

Shortest and best tech support story...

  • Tech Support: "I need you to boot the computer."
  • Customer: (THUMP! Pause.) "No, that didn't help."

Village Idiot

Check out:

I want this title for myself.
Imagine...being elected by your peers (most of whom, it seems, have at least as much chance to win) to be crowned the biggest moron in your burg.
I think the guys who knocked themselves out with their car doors actually should have shared the winning crown, but I wasn't asked for my vote.

April 10, 2005

Playing with meds....

I neglected medication yesterday and last night, just to see what would happen.
And, of course, I awoke at 4:00am to the rampant rampage of redundant ruminations floating endlessly through my cerebral cortex. The short movements into an almost somnabulant state thereafter actually consisted of very vibrant dreams.
I wouldn't think that a single 24 hour period would be enough to totally disrupt the medication's course...should be more of a gradual in-out sort of thing. But I guess I am wrong in that.
So, stoke me up, Mr. Pharmacist! I am coming home again!

at least for now....more's the pity......

April 9, 2005

My Evil Plan

Check out the link (in the title above).
Like MadLibs, but with the sole purpose of developing your own personal evil plan! Enjoy and revel in the dark side! Bwahahahahaha...
Here's mine:

Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Hatred for all mankind

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first seduce a wealthy heiress. This will cause the world to sense a grave disturbance in the force, unsettled by your arrival. Who is this ripe bastard? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good as a brain in a jar?

Stage Two

Next, you must seize control of the Moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a island of mu, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will gibber like madmen, as countless hordes of computer programmers hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must reveal to the world your great supernatural forces, bringing about an end to sanity. Your name shall become synonymous with the spice girls, and no man will ever again dare sabotage your music career. Everyone will bow before your extraordinary charisma, and the world will have no choice but to restore your credit rating.

April 5, 2005

So much for good intentions

Worked on the Audi last night.
Started fine this morning.
Failed to start after work.
Had to get a jump to get home, but, once I got home and turned it off and attempted to restart it, it fired up just fine.
I believe it is possessed.
Or, at the very least, cantankerous.
It is the main vehicle now, so I'd better get used to it. At least I now have something to do on weekends again! WooHoo!

April 4, 2005

Might be an anomoly...might not...

Unexpectedly, I roused out of my 6 month torpor tonight. I actually had energy when I got home, worked on the old Audi (and cursed it soundly, too!), did some tasks around the abode and even considered raking some leaves (and discovered that I'm not that enthusiastic yet).
I don't know why; it might be just from lazing around all day yesterday or it might be a start again with some changes. I am hopeful for the latter so I am going to try to continue working on that premise and help make it happen.
I need to be doing more than the bare minimum while spending the rest of my non-employer related time staring stupidly at the monitor screen or glancing glumly at an unplayed (and probably out of tune) guitar or being morose just 'cause it feels better than any alternative I can think of.
This isn't a life. I'm not even sure it qualifies as an existence, unless rotted stumps can really be said to exist.
So I shall grab this small boon and try to run with it. It is only a beginning and yet...it is a beginning.

wasted sunday

i got absolutely nothing accomplished yesterday, unless you count reading two books as accomplishing something.
i don't, since i had already read both of them.
it was such a gorgeous day and i should have been raking leaves to the curb or working on the vehicle. i did, however, sit outside to read much of the time. oooooo!
perhaps it was what i was needing but i think it was, instead, a means of escaping without resorting to a tumbler full of vodka at 10 in the morning.
certainly better for me with no hangover this morning but i do hurt from just sitting so long. ah well...always a trade-off.
or maybe....just maybe....it was due to the time change. yeah.
i knew if i looked hard enough, i could find a rationalization that would be easy to live with!

April 2, 2005

Wisconsin Film Festival

It would have been nice to have the money to procure more tickets to more of these fantastic obscure films.
Actually, it would have been nice to just have the ass to be able to sit through more of these films comfortably!
It was great. Last night, there was "Godfather of Green Bay" through which I laughed harder than I have for a very long time, especially in a darkened theatre. After that was a deeply disturbing, morose film, "It's all gone Pete Tong" about a DJ who loses his hearing, falls into all the depravities of life and finally uses his situation to finally find himself. Good flick, except that it became a feel good movie with a happy ending. And I was looking for something to cheer me up!
Today was a collection of short films with connections to Wisconsin. I took the kids to it and, although there were a couple that were disappointing, most of them were funny or thought provoking or just strange.
A good time had by all.

Best quote I've heard all day:

"It's good to have an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out."